He looked me right in the brow!
I had an interview with a high school teaching job right out of college. The principal welcomed me, invited me into his office and began the meeting. I had always been comfortable looking people in the eye, so I did. He looked me right in the brow, and for the next hour never took his eyes off my forehead! Maybe he was looking for signs of hair loss, enlarged brow lines, or something I didn’t understand. All I know is I kept looking him in the eyes, and he kept looking me in the brow. I did not get the job, but I bet an eyebrow looker did!
Eye contact is very important in a visual world. Making eye contact says alot to the other person about how comfortable you are in face to face conversations, and well as all the social cues that come with eye to eye contact. Science had discovered how to tell if someone is lying by the direction their eyes look when answering questions. If the answer is straightforward, the eyes will look to the right. If the answer requires some creative thinking, maybe even lying, they eyes will look left as the left side of the brain engages with creative banter. Not all people are comfortable with eye to eye contact. All we learn when we are young can have an impact regarding who we allow to see our eyes. If the saying ‘ the eyes are the doorway to the soul’ is correct, there are times we don’t want people peeking in the front door or windows of our soul. It can be pretty un nerving when we have somebody get in our face with theirs.
I did a little personal experiment when I was at college. I had about a 10 minute walk from the athletic dorm at UNC to the actual classroom buildings. The paths were beautiful brick, covered by tall southern pine trees. I estimated that I passed between 200-300 people on any given day on my walks to class. I noticed that most people plowed by me, eyes down, focused on the patterns of the bricks. This was before cell phones and texting, which is the main reason people today are staring down while walking. I decided that I would greet every person I passed on the way to class. I had just moved down from Philadelphia, and I didn’t know anybody except the guys on the wrestling team. It was a grand experiment, as I issued a hearty “hello!” or “Good Morning” to every person I passed. Some looked up startled, and just kept walking. One person I got to know later told me that they were terrified by my greeting. I asked why, and they said that they had been on campus for more than a week, and had never had one person greet them as they walked the campus. Having me say hi was something they were learning to live without. Many smiled and returned the greeting, clearly delighted to be noticed and engaged in such a warm manner.
I discovered that most people are desperate for connection, to be noticed, and found worth engaging. We live in the most connected society in the history of modern man. We have the ability to connect with everybody and anybody with a myriad of devices. All this connection ought to make us feel, well, connected, wouldn’t you think? The truth is, when I get an honest answer, it is about how all the connection leads to more misunderstandings, accusations, fights, and dis connection that ever before. When we spend our time on devices verses having face to face time, we change the rules to relationships. We create a world where we become experts at emocons, abbreviations, (LOL!) and the new language of texting. Without face to face time, some of the joy, and challenge of communicating is lost.
70% of communication is non verbal. That means you get cues and clues to the true meaning of a conversation by watching everything a person does and doesn’t do when they talk. Ask any body language expert and they will tell you that we are communicating every moment we are being seen. The challenge to seeing and being seen means that we have to look up, and look out to the people God brings our way, looking them in the eye, communicating God’s love, acceptance, and genuine interest with just one glance. The startled person on the path at UNC is a clear example of why we need to see people, and let them know they are worth engaging. Many of the people I greeted were not part of the ‘beautiful crowd’. Having a strapping wrestler call them up from their brickyard visage was received as a cool drink of water on a hot Carolina day. It imparted life to them, the hope that somebody saw beyond the clothes, or the fact the clothes didn’t fit, saw beyond the misshapen parts others looked away from, or the distinct color difference that should never make a difference, saw beyond it all, and still wanted to look. Others never responded, convinced, I assume, that I must have made a mistake by thinking they were worth connecting with. Maybe they were playing it safe, committed not to let anybody get close and maybe hurt them again. Some may have thought it beneath them to even recognize my existence. I never took any of these possibilities into account. I just felt God wanted me to use my outgoing personality to let people know they count in this world.
Part of my success was that I wasn’t looking for anything from these people. My greeting was sincere, direct, and done to connect, if just for the moment, and let people know that they had been seen, accepted, and appreciated.
God is always saying hi to us. He does it all day, and it is such a blessing to learn how to see Him. The book “When God Winks at you” is a great treatise on learning to see God intervening on our behalf through experience that could be called coincidences, but should be called God-incidences. It is an easy read, and I encourage you to get it. My goal here is to help you actually see God in your day, and connect with Him often throughout the day. Take some time in the morning to look around you. Use pictures of nature on the internet, or memories from your personal files, or just take a walk in the neighborhood. Slow down to see the world around you. Open your mind and heart to God’s voice, and see what He says. If you are more concrete that that, commit to a morning quiet time, where you read several devotionals and verses that God will use to connect with you. Write down your thoughts, so you can see them later, and see how God was there in the mix. Make the effort to see people during the day. Let them know they exist, and are seen. I don’t mean flirt with them, just take the time to look up, and help others to do the same. I believe there is a sea of desperate people, praying for just one look their direction. You may be that person God used to pass on hope, acceptance, and God’s pure love with just one look.
Be careful, as some people prey on those who they think are weaker and gullible. In NYC, I was told to never make eye contact. Being too friendly in a big city can get you in trouble. I was told that in the the late 1800s, when all the small town circus were thriving, the circus people would would see a well dressed man and identify him by slapping him on the back with a friendly hello, and a handful of chalk. For the rest of the night, all the circus people would see the ‘mark’, and take him for a ride, and his money! It is sad to say that some people have lived so long in the darkness that they can’t see the light, even when it says hello and greets them with a smile. I would say to keep on giving hope glances to the world around you, and practice caution when you are in a country, culture, or situation where you think it necessary to be more cautious. I had a missionary tell me that he almost got killed the first day on the job. He greeted the tribe with a toothy grin, which, in their culture, is understood to be a challenge, or invitation to a fight. Be wise, but try to err on the side of being a giver of hope, acceptance, and love, with your next glance.
Jesus was always looking to the crowd for people to bless. He saw a women’s dead son being carried the other way, and healed him with out anybody asking. He saw a blind man, walked up to him, made conversation, and gave him physical and spiritual sight. He looked up and looked out to see a mass of lost, lonely sheep and cried out to them. His eyes were always open to the need of his beloved creation. He is still looking today, and asking you to do the same.
