By His wounds you are healed. 1 Peter 2:24. Let that sink in. By HIS wounds. By his WOUNDS. By his wounds YOU. By His wounds you are HEALED. Your healing cost Jesus scars he lovingly bore for you.
I also carry emotional scars as a result of bad decisions and wrong relational motives. Although not as easily seen, these scars are just as real and painful. Unfortunately, many of my scar experiences caused others to suffer emotional scars as well. We rarely live life in a vacuum, and much of what we say and do has an impact on those within our influence circle. Emotional scars tend to harden the areas they effect. A physical scar represents a cutting, tearing, dividing what was once whole. The resulting scar tissue acts as a filler, but isn’t actually the original tissue that was there before the injury. the nerves and blood vessels don’t flow through scar tissue like they do with normal skin. Often people don’t feel sensations with scars, or they are very tender to the touch. This is the same with emotional scars. Some of them remain tender, always just a touch away from unnerving pain and suffering remembered. Some we become hardened to, vowing never to feel again. How do we handle these scars our decisions have caused, that are far more visible than we think?
First, accept that the scars are there, and they are not going anywhere. This allows you to begin acknowledging and dealing with the pain you may have caused another. Second, come to terms with what happened, be humbled by your act of judgment, angry words outspoken opinions, or acts of reserved silence and separation. Consider the person you’ve wronged, and seek out a time to come together, if possible. Timing is everything here, and it may be years until the right time comes around. The key here is to always be in the posture of reconciliation, willing to connect and reconcile the moment they let you know they are ready and willing to meet. When you do meet, bring along a third party, somebody who will listen and guide without judgement or an agenda. Be willing to lose an argument in the light of reconciliation. Separate the small things from the couple of big things, and let go of your right to be right on every point. Remember you caused the pain, even if they have widened the scar ever since. Live in peace if it is possible, live in separated civility if there is too much pain to work through. Remember these scars, and live to hurt people less, use people less, and serve people in the love that comes from the love scared carpenter.
Now for those scars you suffer due to other’s actions or inactions. Physical scars are there for life, and they remind us of that moment when we were victims of someone’s hate, lust, anger, envy, etc. What do we do with these scars? How do we handle the looks and questions people have, and how do we tell the story of those scars in a way that is healthy, healing, and hopeful?
The movie ‘Wonder’ Tells the story of August Pullman, a boy suffering from facial deformities since birth. August enters middle school, facing all of the unkindness thrown the way of somebody who looks different. His overcoming attitude and ability to disarm a person with his wit moves us all to look a little differently at the special people in our lives.
My Son Jesse played soccer with a boy who was burned over 50% of his body when his demented father locked him in a car an attempted to burn him to death by setting the car on fire. This young man had an amazing attitude, and was quite a good player. He chose to be upbeat, and positive, even when the boys he played against just stared in disbelief.
There were so many stories on the internet that spoke to the inhuman side of the human race that I was temporarily angered and depressed beyond measure. Then I started reading the testimonies of those people who endured so much at the hands of another. I learned some key truths that brought each of them to a similar conclusion.
I refuse to blame God for this
I refuse to live like a victim anymore
I choose to live my life in love forgiveness, and in service to others.
I choose to seek peace and joy in the life I now live
I will acknowledge the pain and loss that came with the abuse, but I will live in the light of a loving heavenly father who never left my side.
See the key words here? I refuse, I choose, I decided. These are not the words of a serial victim, somebody committed to living in the past, and tainting the future with it. In each case these heroes of life came to a decision point where they were going to get better or bitter. The only difference to those two words is the middle letter. When it is the word with ‘I’ in the middle, The story will always be about how I was hurt, I was let down, I was betrayed, I was used, and how I was lied to. I may actually be that you were the victim of another’s sin, but to adopt that into your story, and relive it every day is to walk in the darkness of bitterness and angst all your life. People don’t know how to handle another persons deep scarring pain, and they will soon separate in frustration that they couldn’t help or relate to your painful scar. Don’t give up here, but remember the one who suffered scars and emotional pain for you. Jesus is always present to comfort, listen, heal, and infuse you with His love over and over again. He never tires of you, and will give you a chance to shine once again, scars and all.
Put an ‘E’ in that word, and things start looking up. Emanuel is the word I think of when responding to the scarring times in my live. Emmanuel means ‘God is with us’. When I think of external scars, and the internal scars they carry, I get better when I remember that Emmanuel is always with me, was with me, and will be with me forever!
I want to be quick to acknowledge those who are still in the throughs of a scarring experience. I cannot pretend to know what you are going through, or how painful today was for you to endure. Your heart is broken, and your hope is lying over there in a heap. Dear one, please know that you are dearly loved, and cherished as special by the one who sees your pain, experienced it while on the earth, and desires to be near you now. Your scars tell a story of betrayal, hatred, anger, hurt, and worse. You don’t want to explain your scars, and you don’t want to get over them until that person or persons pay dearly. You are not alone in your anger, and I don’t want to sugar coat what you are going through. The pain is real, the scar is raw and open still, and you can’t even begin to believe it will ever heal. I used to try to fix everybody’s pain, cover over it with a verse, a song, and a cheery quote. Now that I have experienced 60 years of living on this sin sick world, I see that some scars are just too much to handle on my own. You don’t get over an emotional scar, you get through it, and have it with you forever. You choose daily, even hourly, to let go of the anger and bitterness and embrace the healing balm of Jesus’ love and forgiveness. Paul was writing to a church in Colossae, and challenged them to forgive as they had been forgiven by God. He asked them to consider what Jesus did to free them from sin and eternal death. Based on this forgiveness he challenged them to forgive those who hurt them here on earth. Forgiveness doesn’t mean the wrong did to you is now ok, far from it. Forgiveness happens when you decide to no longer give the scar the life and dark energy it wants to use to rob you of the life God offers you. I see the man who almost killed my wife in a botched surgery weekly at the gym we both go to. I have to release that to God each time, which is actually a good thing. I am challenged to experience forgiveness and the power of letting go of the darkness surrounding unforgiven scars.
Wow, this is getting heavy. Let me close with an encouraging thought. Paul sends a second letter to the church in Corinthians. This letter is encouraging them for the actions they took after his first letter. He starts the letter by telling them that times have been hard, really hard, but that has qualified him to help others. Here is the verse-
“ Blessed be the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our affliction so we may comfort others with the comfort we have received from God.”
I’m not the best person to talk to about divorce, as I have been married to my high school sweetheart for over 40 years. I can talk about living with an illness, and suffering physical pain daily. I can talk to struggling with finances, and I can speak to forgiveness and relational healing. My pain ( and your pain) qualifies me ( and you) to come into a person’s life and have credibility when I say ‘ I know what you’re feeling right now. The church is a place where we come together, share our joys and scars, and connect with people needing to hear that we have been there and made it through intact and better.
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