In our last time together, I introduced the idea of what it means to be seen. I ended with introducing the three ways we might respond to seeing and being seen. Today we will explore the first of these tendencies, that of adopting a defensive position to seeing and being seen. We will look at the principle, ‘ something to prove, something to lose’
Read the last post to get an idea of where I am going with this on
If we respond defensively we do our best to look our best, act our best, and be our best. We believe that if we perform, then others will have to respect, accept, and connect with us. After all, isn’t that what living In community is all about? God designed us to do life together, and there is a certain joy, synergy, and fulfillment when we are seen and accepted by others, even invited into their fellowship.’ But Dean’, I hear someone say, ‘are you kidding?!’ My world must be on another planet! There is no fellowship, acceptance, or fulfillment in my world, only fear, social traps, and communal dysfunction. In fact, the guy who wrote the script for the OFFICE must have hung out in my office lounge! This is the reality of living in a broken world. God’s ideal for us has been affected by a world corrupted by the result of separation from the one who can ‘SEE’ us, and still love, accept, and invite us to his table for fellowship.
Jesus had the opportunity to teach this principle to his disciples, and the religious leaders of the time. Jesus had just invited himself to the house of a hated tax collector, Matthew. The result was a social setting that had all the ingredients for a red carpet disaster. As Matthew was celebrating his new found faith with his friends, the invitation list started getting a little tainted. Each time the door opened, in came more tax collectors, street women, drug dealers, and gang members. The wine flowed, and the music blared. Then the religious leaders interrupted. “ How dare you call yourself a holy man, and yet sit with this filthy group of sinners!” Jesus replied “ Those who think they are well don’t need to come to a doctor, but those who know they are sick also know where to go to find healing”. Then he sent them off with a bible study assignment. “Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice’. For I came not to call the righteous (or those who think they are righteous), but to the sinners, those who know they need forgiveness.”
People who depend on performance to be ‘seen’ as righteous are playing a defensive game with God and the world. They rely on their ability to look good always, be seen with the right people, and in the right places, all so they will never be seen as weak, frail, and needy. The problem here, is that this kind of performance is impossible to keep up in a fallen world. Eventually physical, social, economic, or or personal calamities will overcome any effort to look good. Eventually you fall hard, and everybody around you will scream ‘I see you!’
What is the remedy here? Step off the red carpet, step down from your podium of performance, and rest in the one who sees you, and likes, no, LOVES what He sees.
If you can hold on to the truth of what the God of the universe thinks about you, it will simultaneously humble and exalt you. You’ll be humbled by unconditional love, love you may have never experienced before. It will break you to accept that you are not in control of your world, and you may just fall on your face in front of someone. I learned a long time ago that if you have something to prove, you have something to lose. If I am proud of the fact that I am a good father, and my son climbs down from the booth we are eating in, and starts visiting the other people in the other booths, I experience emotional pain. My son may make me look bad, in fact he IS making me look bad! My automatic response is anger, or at least passionate verbalization! I have something to prove- Im a good dad. My son is threatening that by misbehaving (or maybe just being a little boy!) I have something to prove, so I have something to lose. Fear of loss leads to anger, which leads to pain. How do we stop this downhill progression? Have nothing to prove! I know this is not easy to do if you have spent so much time in defense mode, doing your best to perform so the people around you have to accept, respect and invite you in. Once you achieve a certain stature, you feel the need to do anything to stay there. You have something to prove! Having nothing to prove doesn’t mean you don’t shoot for excellence In all you do. It means that you don’t have to be excellent all the time in order to be valued and accepted. Life may not always be for us, but God is! He says He will never leaves us or reject us. Having nothing to prove means I am free attempt new things, free to try and fail, free to fall on my face, and still get up, knowing the God of everything is accepting, respecting and inviting me in. Nothing to prove, nothing to lose, nothing to lose, nothing to fear, nothing to fear, nothing to hold back! This is relational freedom in action!
Knowing that God likes, no, LOVES, what He sees can be exalting as well as humbling. If you knew you could not fail at whatever you were attempting, how would that change things? I started my journey with God in my 11th year of high school. Knowing that the God of the universe was on my side really changed how I saw life. As a wrestler, I had been average to good in the past. Somehow, knowing God was with me, win lose or draw changed things. I was willing to try new moves, take shots when I may not have in the past, and worked harder than any opponent I faced. I was doing this now, because I wanted to please my heavenly father by giving him 100% in everything I did. I had nothing to prove to God, because he liked, no, LOVED what he saw every time he looked at me. Having nothing to prove, I had nothing to fear. Having nothing to fear meant I had nothing to hold back. That made me a worthy opponent all the way to the state championships! Think about the fact that God is always seeing you, the real you, with all your complex workings, all your wins, and all your losses. AND HE LOVES WHAT HE SEES! Nothing to prove, nothing to lose! Understanding this principle can greatly reduce your daily stress, and open you to new opportunities you kept hidden in your closet of fear. Start the day repeating the nothing to prove principle, and you will walk a little lighter, see your world a little less threatening, and look for chances to take.
Comments